i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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