you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
