one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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