I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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