i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
