Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
