if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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