I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
