It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I wear drunk well.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
