Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
