im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
