Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
