please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
