Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
