i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
