the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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