Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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