Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
