at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
