I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
