I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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