hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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