there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
