Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
