is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
