Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
