i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
