dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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