just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
