I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
