At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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