As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
