So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
