he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
