Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
