there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
