You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
