pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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