Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
