I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
