she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
