I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
