my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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