a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
