Non-Jews are for practice
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
