it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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