found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
