this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
