His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
