dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
