you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
